It's Not Constipation

It's WITHOLDING.

Be forewarned, this entire post is going to be about bowel movements. Yes, I am talking about poop. Why? Because this is my blog and I can talk about what I want, and this is the #1 issue and stress in my life. It breaks my heart to see my 2 year old going through this every day, and maybe someone will find this post useful with their child who may have the same problem.

It started around February of last year. Tage had a painful poop. She didn't like it. The next time she had to go, she didn't want to. So she held it in until the urge passed. This made it painful again the next time she pooped. So the next urge she had, she held it in. She wouldn't poop for days. When she finally would go, she would scream and cry and dig her fingers into my shoulders. And I would cry too. And so the cycle began.... Painful poop.... withold... painful poop...withold even more....

In MARCH, I took her to the doctor for pink eye. Since I was there I figured it was a good time to mention the constipation problem. The doctor dismissed it as from being sick and said to give her more fluids and fiber filled food (DUH, like I hadn't already thought of that). And so we continued on our own for a few months, trying to find a problem in her diet, trying to increase fluids, trying to bribe her to go poop. NOTHING worked. We tried combinations of everything... water, juices, prune juice, prunes, more fruit, more veggies, less dairy, everything. Once we even gave her a suppository, and I vowed never to do such a cruel thing ever again. Tage wouldn't let us touch her bum for a month (it made for very difficult diaper changes!)

JUNE came along and it had gotten so bad that we took her back to the doctor to be seen specifically for this problem. Once again, the doctor (a different one, but from the same office) dismissed my concerns, and just told me to put her on Miralax for awhile. The doctor didn't really seem to acknowledge the serious problem that it really is. We bought the laxative and started giving it to Tage. She had the urge to poop. She screamed. She cried. I cried. She pooped. It was soft. We repeated this process for a few weeks, but started to get nervous because we felt that maybe she was on the laxative for too long and it wasn't good for her. We went back to trying to change her diet. It didn't work. We put her on the laxative again for almost a month, but still, she witheld. We took her off the laxative. And this took us up to....

OCTOBER. We took her back to the doctor. I expressed my concern about her bowel movements. I suggested taking her off of dairy completely. The doctor said that would be completely unnecessary.

She suggested increasing her fluids. Tried it.

Prunes. Tried it.

Prune Juice. Doesn't work.

Fruits. She eats tons every day.

Veggies. Tell me something we haven't tried.

Put her back on Miralax. Thanks for the great advice doc.

And so I went home and did more research on my own. We bought books. and this is what we learned. It's not constipation: It's witholding. And 30% of children have this issue. The books validated everything I have thought. Tage's witholding issue is COMPLETLY consuming. Our lives revolved around her poop. Kevin and my conversations pretty much consist of Tage's poop. I think and talk about her poop so much that I think I might turn into one. Tage is a completely different child once she is finally able to go.

We are in JANUARY now, and Tage has been on Miralax for about 3 months. She has not had a painful poop that entire period, and yet... when she has the urge, she crys, she lays down, she rocks on the floor, she wants to be held, she won't move, she won't eat, so won't play. This will go on for hours. When she can't hold it in any longer, she screams and cries and then finally it comes out against her will. It is awful how stressful it is. Unless you have a child that has this problem, you really don't know how consuming and serious it is. I never knew poop could become such a problem. And once Tage has gone, she is full of life and energy and it is so sad to see how she could be all of the time if pooping wasn't such a problem. She will do ANYTHING not to poop. It seems to be her main priority. We bribe her with all sorts of treats and exciting events and prizes, and yet nothing can get her to willingly push the poop out. She loves to go to the park. We will be walking there and just as the park is in sight, if she suddenly has the urge to go she will grab her bum and say "No thank you, don't want to go to the park. I want to go home." So we go home, and she gets her pink blanket and cuddles with it and lays on the floor, rocking, crying, screaming.

What we have mainly learned is that we are doing all we can do. We will keep her on the laxative for as long as it takes. We will continue holding her, and encouraging her to go, and when she does, she will get a reward (sometimes it's a "Big, big, ice cream with SPRINKLES!" other times it is baking cookies, or eating two suckers at once... whatever is exciting to Tage!) We wish we had been better informed about constipation and it's repercussions 11 months ago. We wish the doctors had given us more information and better advice earlier. We hope that she will be able to realize soon that she can poop right when she has the urge and go on with her day. It really is amazing the power she has to keep the poop in. All we can do though is wait, and hope that this will improve soon.

I will end with Tage's victory chant(s):

"Poop, poop, poop. I like to poop! I like poop each day! poop, poop, poop."

And....

(say while jumping around in circles) "Pooooooooop. Poopity poopity poop. Poop Poop Poop. Poopity poopity poop!"

Those are our two recent favorites. But after 11 months, we have a lot of poop victory dances and chants.